Two Charles City families see journey to adopt finalized on same day

By Kelly Terpstra, kterpstra@charlescitypress.com

Tears were shed Thursday morning in the judge’s chamber of the Floyd County Courthouse.

Amber Hicks wiped her eyes and made sure to steady her grip on the pen so she could finally sign on the dotted line.

It was an emotional moment for Hicks and her husband, Tyler – a Charles City couple that intently listened to three words spoken that any family wanting children wants to hear.

“You’re a parent.”

The finalization of adoption was an early Christmas present the Hickses won’t soon forget.

“We tried for a couple years. I always thought in my heart, I don’t care how kids come to us,” said Amber. “We’ll love them no matter what.”

When it was time for Amber to sign the documents to officially to adopt their 1-year-old boy, Ledger, and 2-year-old girl, Parker, Amber eyes opened up with a cascade of emotion.

“I was signing paperwork and the place where I sign said ‘adopted mother’ and that’s the first I’d ever seen that,” Amber said. “It hit me then. When the judge said she’s granting the petition to adopt, then I started crying, too. I’m kind of  a cryer, though.”

The first-time parents – who took in Parker and Ledger as foster parents – coincidentally put the finishing touches on their adoption the same day as did Shawn and Shelley Zweibohmer of Charles City.

The Zweibohmers – who for about four days a year-and-a-half ago temporarily took in Parker and Ledger before the children found a home with the Hickses – adopted their 8-year-old foster child, Zeke, later that afternoon.

It’s been a long journey for both families.

“So it’s a long wait if you are Amber and Tyler. You wait that whole time. You ride that roller coaster of visits,” said Shelley.

The Zweibohmers speak from experience. Whereas the Hicks’ ultimate goal was to adopt, the Zweibohmers decided to become foster parents first. They’ve fostered more than 20 children over the years. Shawn and Shelley adopted 12-year-old Mackenzie in September 2017.

Foster children come from all sorts of backgrounds, Shelley said.

“We had two 6-year-olds that came from different families. They’re totally different kids,” said Shelley. “Their backgrounds make a huge difference in a child. What might work for one to adapt, doesn’t work for the other.”

Shelley said Mackenzie went through 36 foster homes, never staying at one place more than three months, before finding the right stability and fit in the Zweibohmer’s household.

“Every home is different. There’s always the right home for each child,” said Shelley. “Ours was just the right one for Mackenzie. She was a very hard kid in foster care.”

Mackenzie is now an eighth-grade honor roll student and holds a 3.9 GPA. She’s gone out for basketball, track, cross country and volleyball and has had fun participating in those sports.

What’s the key to finding success for foster children?

That’s a hard question, Shelley said, and one with no right answer.

“You have to not only love the children, but you have to understand them,” she said. “Each child that comes into our home is so different. You have to have patience.”

The Zweibohmers also have a 6-year-old foster girl who lives with them. The Zweibohmer’s three biological kids are all grown up and moved out. Shelley said she is a grandparent with another grandbaby on the way.

Shelley said Zeke enjoys wrestling, playing baseball and swimming in his family’s pool.

“We were undefeated,” said Zeke, about his baseball squad’s performance this past summer.

The challenges to parents that adopt or become a household to foster children can be daunting.

“It is a huge commitment,” said Shelley. “You have to be open to any and all situations. You have to be understanding. It’s not for everyone.”

The challenges can be just as real and frightening for the children involved. All three children involved in these particular adoptions are African American. When the Zweibohmers took in Parker and Ledger for the very short time, they were just 6 months and 18 months old, respectively.

“The best part about that connection, those kids had never seen white people. Zeke was at my house. The little girl – Zeke was the only one that could quiet her down, like he was her go-to,” said Shelley. “She was scared. He had to be that connecting piece because she recognized the skin color. She recognized all that. As long as he was around, she was OK. Now they’re all getting adopted on the same day.”

Shelley said Zeke had been in five different foster homes before joining the Zweibohmers in late December 2017. He also came from a big family with many siblings. Learning to adapt to adult supervision was critical in Zeke’s growth process.

“So many of them come in, they never had supervision at home or they never got to keep things,” said Shelley. “If they had Christmas or birthdays and they got gifts, those gifts would just disappear.”

Tyler and Amber were married in March 2016 and she said she had to convince him to go down the path of adoption after they were unable to conceive a child.

“He wanted to become a parent but I don’t think he was ready to quite stop trying to have one naturally on our own,” said Amber. “I wanted to become a foster parent before I even met Tyler.”

While the Zweibohmers could be considered veterans and experts on adoption and being foster parents, Amber and Tyler had to get up to speed on the process, which is extensive, Amber said.

Tyler and Amber enrolled in a 10-week class in Waterloo, did home studies, had background checks conducted and their family history researched. They also sat through several interviews before they could receive their foster care license. When that was finished, they could list their preference for a child, which was for a toddler up to 5 years old.

Even with all that accomplished, the Hicks were never guaranteed they would be able to keep their foster children and eventually adopt them into their family. The goal of foster parenting is to eventually reunite the children with their birth parents.

“We went into it knowing our hearts could be broken if they went home,” said Amber. “They would always be our kid and we would always support them if they reached out to us.”

Amber remembers the first time Parker and Ledger voiced the words “mom and dad.”

“It’s a very special time because when we got the kids, neither one of them could really talk. Their first words were dad and mom and we were their dad and mom,” she said.

Shelley said Amber had questions for her early on in the parenting process to learn more about what to do and what not.

“That’s normal,” said Shelley.

The learning process is two-way, though.

“They’re lucky because they have a family, but we’re lucky because we learn a lot from them. They educate us just as much as we educate them,” said Shelley.

Amber said if her children want to get to know more about their birth parents when they get older, she won’t hesitate to find out and share that information with them.

“We’ll always try to tell them as much as we know about their birth family. Nothing is going to be a secret,” said Amber. “I always want them to know that they were loved. Their parents weren’t necessarily ready to parent them.”

Editor’s note: Amber Hicks is an employee at the Charles City Press.