FISCHER: A Thanksgiving bluff

By Travis Fischer, tkfischer@charlescitypress.com

I am a fan of dry humor.

In casual conversation I will often drop a wry statement.

Case in point, my aging mother has been struggling with her hip lately and both her and my sister are mildly allergic to cats. So of course, when the question was posed in our family group chat about who would be hosting this year’s Thanksgiving meal, I offered my second story apartment where my two cats live as an option.

To which my mother enthusiastically replied, “Fine with me!” while my sister chimed in with “Works for us. Menu?”

Now I’m not saying that was bluffing about my offer or that I’m unhappy to be hosting Thanksgiving dinner for my family, but that was not an offer I actually expected to be taken.

And yet, here we are.

On the upside, I actually do prefer hosting holidays over traveling. It not only gives me an excuse to tidy up, which as a fully-fledged grown-up adult person I find increasingly satisfying. It’s weird how much more appeal a freshly vacuumed carpet has when you get older.

Also, I have an awesome apartment and will take any opportunity to show off all the cool art of super heroes and video game characters that adorn my walls.

And even though getting stuck with the Thanksgiving cleanup is a chore, I’ll take it over the hassle of having to haul a fully cooked turkey and pot of mashed potatoes across county lines.

Still though, as much as I do prefer hosting, I am less prepared to do so this year than I probably should be.

Not that I haven’t hosted holiday meals before, but that was a different time in a different city. I’ve been in my current residence for just shy of a year and am still in the “rebuilding” phase, with many of my non-essential possessions still being in the previously mentioned different city with my former roommate.

As most people do, when I packed my things up to move, I prioritized the essentials and left behind the things I didn’t have an immediate need for.

Things like tables, and chairs, and large cookware, all of which I’ve had precious little use for over the last year but now suddenly find myself in need of reclaiming from my old home.

Silverware too, may be a problem. While I’m pretty good on forks and plates, the fact that I only own two spoons and two table knives is a deficiency that will need to be remedied by Thursday.

So that’s my week this week. Making a trip to my old home to fill my car with household items I probably should have gotten months ago anyway.

In my defense, it hasn’t been an issue until just now. I’ve had exactly two visitors since moving in. Being able to accommodate multiple visitors at once hasn’t exactly been on the radar.

Let this be a lesson to you all this holiday season. Be careful about what you say around family, because they might just take you seriously.

— Travis Fischer is a news writer for the Charles City Press and needs to find a beanbag chair or something.